ext_14608 ([identity profile] emeraldsedai.livejournal.com) wrote in [personal profile] darkemeralds 2006-11-23 05:51 pm (UTC)

Thank you, and happy Thanksgiving to you too.

For a while there, I thought I was going to die from the trainwreck in my head. I went to a spiritual teacher back in the early 90s who said that her whole path consisted of asking a single question: "What is the next single thing I need to know or do in order to be in a state of grace?" and then acting on the answer that came.

I clung to that question. Most days it was all I had. The answers that came were nothing like the magic-bullet cure that I desperately wanted. They were stupid little partial, incremental dumb actions and bits of information, many of which I already knew perfectly well and didn't want. Take a walk. Take a bath. Breathe, dammit. Oh, and here's a book on amino acids to fight depression. Watch this movie (http://www.thesecret.tv). (Okay, sometimes the answer was "eat that Haagen Dazs" so it may not be 100% reliable.)

Ideas like going to the shaman down the hall came along in due course. I could not have handled the experience any sooner.

Anyway, I'm getting there. State of grace, baby. First for a second a day, then a minute, and now whole half-hours at a time! And a half-hour of grace is 1800 times better than where I started. Nevah surrendah!

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