darkemeralds (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
darkemeralds) wrote2005-01-01 10:21 pm
darkemeralds) wrote2005-01-01 10:21 pm
Yes sir, yes sir, three bags full
In a fit of New Year fresh-startingness, I cleaned out my closet today. It's depressing to give perfectly good clothes to the Veterans because this body will never fit into them again. But it was quite a cathartic experience.
There wasn't a single thing in there that didn't evoke the exact feeling I had when I bought it--the problem it was going to solve, the occasion it was going to brighten, the face of the person it was supposed to please or impress, the aspect of my life it was going to improve. Some of those outcomes ensued. Most didn't.
There was the leather jacket I was wearing on the very worst day of my life. I've kept it for reasons that defy logic. Oh, and remember the party you wore that knit skirt to? My God, woman, what were you thinking? And how low-cut did you think was appropriate for work? And oh yeah--that color used to look good when your hair was [fill-in-the-blank-color].
Stuffing bright, pretty things into garbage bags was like burying a body. It was a fun aspect of myself--colorful and fashionable and strong, and a whole lot younger--but it's dead now, and I've been lugging it around way too long.
What's left in the closet is a small collection of drab, mostly-harmless, statement-free work outfits and a couple of pairs of jeans. And this empty space where, apparently, my outward personality used to be.
If I have any resolution for 2005, it's to find a way of being in the world that suits the current me...and then figuring out how to dress for it.
There wasn't a single thing in there that didn't evoke the exact feeling I had when I bought it--the problem it was going to solve, the occasion it was going to brighten, the face of the person it was supposed to please or impress, the aspect of my life it was going to improve. Some of those outcomes ensued. Most didn't.
There was the leather jacket I was wearing on the very worst day of my life. I've kept it for reasons that defy logic. Oh, and remember the party you wore that knit skirt to? My God, woman, what were you thinking? And how low-cut did you think was appropriate for work? And oh yeah--that color used to look good when your hair was [fill-in-the-blank-color].
Stuffing bright, pretty things into garbage bags was like burying a body. It was a fun aspect of myself--colorful and fashionable and strong, and a whole lot younger--but it's dead now, and I've been lugging it around way too long.
What's left in the closet is a small collection of drab, mostly-harmless, statement-free work outfits and a couple of pairs of jeans. And this empty space where, apparently, my outward personality used to be.
If I have any resolution for 2005, it's to find a way of being in the world that suits the current me...and then figuring out how to dress for it.