darkemeralds: Manga-style avatar of DarkEm with caption Hee (cartoony me)
darkemeralds ([personal profile] darkemeralds) wrote 2011-01-21 06:06 am (UTC)

Six pounds is awesome! I'm really honored to think that I've inspired anyone to do anything, especially something they value highly.

It's odd, isn't it, to think of being afraid to be thin? It's contrary to all the messages out there. When I was younger, I had such terribly high expectations of what thinness would get me (love, mostly--didn't work) that of course it was terrifying.

My expectations are more moderate now, but there's something purely physical about shedding pounds that makes me a little skittish. I mean, one is literally less insulated. I get colder. My nerve-endings are closer to the surface or something.

Many years ago, when for a short period I attended Overeaters Anonymous, I described walking down the street on a summer day and wishing I were wearing a coat--feeling terrifyingly exposed, and as if all the world was looking at me in a scary way. Someone more senior in the program came up to me after the meeting and said, "That's the shame talking."

It's a very specific feeling, and I don't think it needs a lot of psychological analysis--I really do think it's a physical, hormonal, neurological kind of thing. But I also think it's very powerful--powerful enough to send a person skittering back to comfortable weightiness. So I think it's really good to be aware of it. And what the hell--wear a coat or whatever it takes to feel safe in a non-weight-regaining way.

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