"So I'm developing a metaphor. Again, I don't believe this is literally, physically what happens, but it's all I've got: it's as if my history is bound up in my fat, and as layers melt away, I'm reliving the bad things that I put the fat on to buffer myself from."

This is fabulous, and right on. Also I know that any time I lose weight, I get nervous; with the weight I'm 'invisible', and without it I get noticed alot. I've always been shy and unsure of myself, so getting noticed starts freaking me out and next thing I know, I'm packing on the pounds again. It is a kind of fear of being thin, but more the fear of being seen. (that just came to me...hmmm, interesting.)