One hour out of three is enough

[darkemeralds]

On my second day back to work, I've left the office at midday to let the washing machine repair guy into my house. (A broken washer is not what you want after a three week trip.) It was a pleasantly cool and cloudy ride home, and I really don't want to go back.

An extra-long staff meeting this morning had as its main topic "How can we be more efficient?"

One way might be to have shorter staff meetings, but that's just glib. What troubled me was the mention of "our ten hour workdays." It's not an official job requirement, just an insidious and constantly reiterated norm, that each of us will offer 25% extra time to our employer, gratis. It's the stressor I was so eager to take a vacation from.

So, "How can we be more efficient?" feels like code for "How can we get you guys to push that rock up the hill faster and more often for free?"

Yes, times are hard. Yes, this is the American way. Yes, I'm damned lucky to have a job at all, let alone a good one. But I'm on the verge of taking a big step down just to get out from under the Gaze of Disapproval.

I can't help it: offering up precious personal waking hours on the altar of the enterprise business system feels toxic to me--and all the more so because I managed to get away from it for three whole weeks.

Comments

[writerscramp]

I am constantly fighting to maintain this boundary. I'm fortunate to have a lot of freedom and flexibility, and the culture of long workdays isn't quite as militant as what you're facing. It can get competitive at times -- as in, "I was working until midnight last night", "yeah, I feel you...I was still answer email at 2 AM" -- but we encourage each other to take days off, leave early when we get the chance, work from home, etc. Still, there are definitely times when it feels like the number of hours are judged as proof of your dedication to the organization, as if you have to justify that you're always giving everything you've got to the place.

I've been vocal and stringent about keeping my boundaries where I want them. I may choose to work more, but I make it clear that it's something I will do on my terms and will retract at will. You're in a tougher situation due to the pressures from without as well as within the organization, so I recognize that it's a lot harder to set that boundary and keep it there. If you possibly can, though (in whatever way would make the most sense or have the best likelihood of success), I can attest that it makes a significant difference.

"I can't help it: offering up precious personal waking hours on the altar of the enterprise business system feels toxic to me"

Because it is. They're effectively stealing from you, and stealing your most precious resource, at that. Your time and mental energy are your most valuable assets. Your employment is not a favor, it's a business arrangement. They wouldn't feel entitled to 25% extra from any other vendor; there's no reason they should feel entitled to expect it from you (or their other workers). Again, I recognize that I'm simplifying here (BELIEVE me, I totally understand the dynamics), but there's a reason you're feeling what you're feeling. Trust your instincts.

[darkemeralds]

Thank you for that. I try to minimize my use of Dreamwidth as a place to complain--about anything, and particularly about my job--but I'm so glad I made this post, because the responses have been very validating and empowering.

I have to acknowledge that it takes two to play this toxic game, and that my own internal conflict about the nature of work and worthiness plays right into the hands of management. It behooves me to examine those semi-conscious beliefs ("they're right, I really don't work hard enough," and "what if they find out what a fraud I am?" and "I can't possibly be worth this salary," and so on, right?), and people's responses here, yours especially, help me triangulate on a more accurate concept.

I'm looking at some internal transfer opportunities that would take me away from my current part of the organization, and I'm having some increasingly serious conversations about early retirement. I imagine change is in the offing.

Thanks again.