darkemeralds: A round magical sigil of mysterious meaning, in bright colors with black outlines. A pen nib is suggested by the intersection of the cryptic forms. (Default)
darkemeralds ([personal profile] darkemeralds) wrote2010-11-06 11:02 pm

Too much of a good thing

Family.

We have this thing where we do birthdays at my sister's house. Most everyone comes, we sing happy birthday and eat cake and talk and laugh. Usually it's pretty nice.

Tonight--brother-in-law's birthday--it got to me. My oldest niece is noticeably pregnant, so there's one topic of conversation I have absolutely nothing to say about. My younger sister has a new man in her life (must be serious: he was there) whom I was meeting for the first time. Nice guy, but there's another subject I have extremely little to say about.

I had to leave, a bit more abruptly than I'm proud of, when the stress of too many people in the room made me over-react to a careless remark from that all powerful person whose careless remarks can still overthrow my commonsense, i.e., my mother.

It wasn't too terrible--I didn't storm out, I did say goodbye and happy birthday and thank you--but it didn't go unnoticed, either. There was email afterwards of the "did we offend you?" variety. Which means I probably offended them.

Gah! I knew I didn't want to go before I went, but not going would have raised at least as many questions as leaving early did. I'm way past the point of trying to explain my quirks and limitations to my family, but at moments like this I have this hellish feeling that they're coming to their own, very wrong, conclusions about what's wrong with me.

It's frustrating.
lamentables: (Default)

[personal profile] lamentables 2010-11-07 10:55 am (UTC)(link)
Do you think that the work situation has unsettled your sense of who you are and your confidence in the ability of others to see you clearly? In other words, might this be part of the process of responding to the changes in your work/life?
karen_jk: Melissa (Default)

[personal profile] karen_jk 2010-11-07 01:07 pm (UTC)(link)
I'm glad that you were able to take gopd care of yourself by leaving when you felt you had to.

I assume your mind was swirling with stressful thoughts, and your mom's comment just made that worse. If this had been a day or a situation where you felt comfortable and relaxed, you might have felt more like chatting with the new
BF or other family members, making bland small talk.

I can understand being frustrating when your family doesn't understand some key things about you. Would your sister, the one across the street, understand better?

karen_jk: Melissa (Default)

[personal profile] karen_jk 2010-11-07 07:30 pm (UTC)(link)
Rats! So you and your sister were kind of close and pretty much buddies, and now she has a BF, which is super for her, and you are glad for her I'm sure, yet...it's a loss, too.
kis: (Default)

[personal profile] kis 2010-11-07 01:09 pm (UTC)(link)
Many, many sympathies. Am just back from the in-laws ...
executrix: (she wolf)

[personal profile] executrix 2010-11-07 02:36 pm (UTC)(link)
Having two full-time jobs at once should surely be an excuse for any amount of leaving early and tiredness.
panisdead: (Default)

[personal profile] panisdead 2010-11-07 05:11 pm (UTC)(link)
I'm sorry, that situation sucks. Although frankly, if you made all your goodbye wishes and didn't stomp out flinging things, you did nothing wrong. Good job taking care of yourself, is what I'm thinking.
lyr: (Default)

[personal profile] lyr 2010-11-07 05:18 pm (UTC)(link)
I sometimes feel that family is like that story about the 3 blind men and the elephant. They all touch part of the elephant and think that they know what it is from just that piece; you know, the guy with the trunk thinks it's a snake. All this is to say that sometimes it's totally normal to want to jump up and down screaming in frustration, "I'm an elephant, not a snake, damn it!" I know I do.
scribblemoose: image of moose with pen and paper (dance)

[personal profile] scribblemoose 2010-11-07 08:29 pm (UTC)(link)
I really admire you for getting yourself out of what was a damaging situation for you. If anyone wants to think anything less of you for it that's their choice, but don't necessarily assume they are, either. You did the right thing, which you are totally entitled to do, and should congratulate yourself on a healthy action.

scribblemoose: image of moose with pen and paper (Default)

[personal profile] scribblemoose 2010-11-07 09:29 pm (UTC)(link)
Oh yeah, I know how that works! *hugs*
tehomet: (Default)

[personal profile] tehomet 2010-11-07 11:38 pm (UTC)(link)
I can totally understand how you felt and I think you did the right thing, leaving early. If they were offended (and I don't see why they should be, since you took your leave politely), or come to any particular conclusion about your leaving early, then I'm not wishing to be rude, but I have to say that's their problem. Just ignore 'em.

Easier said than done, of course.

Um. The 'a careless remark from that all powerful person whose careless remarks can still overthrow my commonsense, i.e., my mother.' part totally resonated with me. Just this week, I had a huge fight with my father. He is a lovely man at heart but can be an obnoxious control freak on the exterior a lot of the time. He irritated me greatly as I was seeing him off somewhere with my mother, and I slammed the door behind them so hard, I broke the lock. And then, I blush to admit this, as normally I am quite a meek and sedate person who hardly even raises her voice, and a pacifist to boot, I took a carving knife to the tyres of one of his motorbikes.

It's actually quite difficult to slash a tyre, it turns out. I made no impression on it at all.

So, having not lost my temper for about ten years, that was my reaction in similar circumstances to yours. I am thoroughly embarrassed at myself and am vowing not to get so het up in future. This is why you are a more evolved person than I am. :D