Happy southpaw day, my fellow southpaws!

It is, apparently, International Left-Handers Day. Thank you, Twitter, for keeping me informed.

Let me take this occasion to make a few remarks.

• Why do cack-handed people get a day? How would they feel if we had a Right-Handed Day, huh? Do they think they're special or something?
• And don't even get me started on left-handed desks at publicly-funded colleges! Spoiled brats. Suck it up. Why should my tax money go to support a 10% minority of people who could conform if they tried?
• Southpaw pitchers? Well, that's a different matter. In sports, they're okay. They provide an advantage to the team.
• Have you ever tried to cook in a lefty's kitchen? You could kill yourself on their knife blades, all facing the wrong way. Left-handed people should not be allowed to have children in their kitchens.
• Did you know that there are stores of left-handed products? What? Do they need their own pencils? Well, whatever, as long as I don't have to use them.

Okay, I kid. I hope it's clear that I'm not declaring left-handedness a serious difficulty. It's been generations since we were expected to change, and at least a couple of centuries since we were persecuted, and if a few words remain in the language that associate the left hand with evil, that's nothing compared to, say a Proposition 8 in 2010.

I hope the day is coming soon when people belonging to other minorities will be able to say the same things about their own natural way of being.