darkemeralds. Re: Something's Lost, and Something's Gained, In Living, Every Day (Reply)

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I imagine everyone has some Holy Grail, and I agree that for fat people, it's often Being Thin. It certainly has been for me, though I've definitively proved to myself that a terrific figure and considerable good looks did not, in fact, change a damn thing other than my dress size and the amount of street attention I got.

Seventeen Magazine was a strangely powerful force in my life too. I distinctly remember learning from it that a girl 5'10" should weigh about 120, 125 lbs. I'm sure it must have been the stats on some fashion model built like a heron, but that number fucking ruined my life and started me on the diet treadmill.

I no longer know what I expect weight loss to do for me other than render me thinner and give me access to better clothes. Certainly not buy me love, promotion, or attention (none of which I want anymore). I'd like to fit better in airplane seats, I guess, and of course the health statistics become more real as time goes on. I can already say that my knees and hips are improved and I see no reason why I shouldn't see ankle and foot improvements as I go on.

Mostly though, it's just that One Fucking Thing I'd Like To Do Before I Die. The Mount Everest of my life, kind of.