The Ink-Pot and the Palette

Hi!

We don't know each other -- I found this post through Swankivy's Tumblr account. I'm asexual and of non-binary gender, and also a teacher.

It is indeed hugely important for people of all ages to be able to find their labels, words, and identities. I am so glad to see that so many people today, young and old, are discovering (or better understanding) themselves through these new words.

I do not know how many Asian, assigned-female at birth students there are in your Young Authors class, but I am concerned that your post may unintentionally out your student, since you appear to have your real life picture and name associated with this account, and this is a public post. I know it would never be your intention to out your student, but I feel it is important that I raise this issue, for your student's safety and privacy.

With this said, I congratulate your student's bravery in coming out about their gender. I would never have had the courage to do such a thing at that age -- when I was in high school, transgender seemed only to mean transsexual, and that people can be non-binary gendered, or agender/neutrois, was never a "possibility." If I had been taught that it was OK for people not to have a gender, or to opt out of gender entirely, I think I would have leapt at it with both feet! From puberty onward, I never felt comfortable with the gender ascribed to me, but there was no way out. (Neither was asexuality acknowledged as an orientation back then.)

"Transgender" is today often used as an umbrella term, encompassing everyone who does not feel that the gender assigned to them at birth fully describes them, and includes both binary identified trans people as well as those who are non-binary or genderqueer. Some transgender people take hormones or modify their bodies surgically to bring their bodies more into alignment with their true genders, but some do not.

If you are interested in knowing more about people of non-binary gender, here are some links you may find helpful:

Wikipedia's page on genderqueer.

Wikipedia's page on neutrois, also sometimes known as agender. (Not to be confused with asexuality, which is a sexual orientation, not a gender identity.)

Wikihow.com's how to respect a trans person, including the importance of using the correct pronouns (in this case "they/them/their" for your student, rather than "she/her/hers" as in your post).

A page on non-binary 101, including a section on the particular challenges faced by non-binary people in finding their words in a culture that denies them these words.

You may also not be aware, but the use of "they" as a singular pronoun has a very long history in English, going back at least to the 14th century, and was even used by Shakespeare himself. The trend to prescription of the generic "he" to replace "they" for subjects of indeterminate gender seems to have begun in the 18th century and really taken hold in the 19th, when the grammatical flexibility of earlier eras was replaced with Victorian precision. But the "they singular" form has persisted, and perhaps even rebounded with force -- I teach students to write essays for standardized tests, and I am forever telling them to be careful not to use the singular "they," because the test graders must take off points! (What is considered prescriptively "correct" in English today, according to ETS and others, still follows the Victorian rules in this case.)

It is thus a natural extension of this already common usage pattern, in English, that some people who are themselves of indeterminate or non-binary gender (such as myself) prefer the forms "they/them/theirs" for their genders. Others use more recently invented pronouns that have not yet made it into the "mainstream" of the language, such as ze, xe, e, and others. (And there are some languages that do not have gendered pronouns at all.)

Whatever someone's pronouns may be, it is crucial for all people to be able to choose their pronouns, and to have their identities respected by those around them, both peers and role-models. This is especially vital for young people, most especially for those whose gender identities are not accepted at home, those for whom it is unsafe to come out at home, and/or those who may even face verbal or physical hostilities for coming out. Many trans youth live with that risk. Please keep in mind that by affirming your student's pronouns, you may be the only person in their life who does so. Many young trans people live with constant invalidation every single day (if not bullying, or worse).

Thus it hurt me deeply to read how you seem to have unwittingly taken that choice of words from your young student, and told them that their pronouns were "wrong" to use, after they had so bravely come out to you and explained to you why they need those words in their bio. I do not see in your story here a student who wanted to "dodge the issue," I see a student who wanted to come out in their bio, and be proud of who they are.

I know you did not mean your student any harm, and this is why I am coming forward and offering you some resources so you can learn more about this issue. I assume you have only the best intentions toward your young student, and therefore I want to caution you, lest you inadvertently harm them by silencing their choice of identity words. You have tremendous potential to be a valuable ally, as someone your student obviously trusts a great deal.

I'll close with a link to this wonderful website that lists hundreds of different terms that are used in the real world to talk about gender and sexuality (and a few other things). This is a user-generated list -- people kept writing in and adding more and more until eventually the site stopped updating. Language does continue to evolve, however, and many terms from other languages are not included here, and so this list is not comprehensive. With the ever-evolving nature of language, no list ever could be. (I learned a new term myself today, in fact, on the AVEN forums!)

Few folks, cis or trans, are likely to know all of these terms -- but we have the internet at our fingertips, and can Google them and learn and explore our knowledge of sex and gender. Whenever I give a presentation on transgender and non-binary identities, I offer this website as a resource.

Thanks for listening.