Diet day 600 - an illustrated guide to being a cell in the body of humanity

[darkemeralds]

This is the picture of a typical diet--mine, in fact. It says, "She lost a lot of weight but not as much as she planned, and then started to regain it, and if she doesn't change something, she'll be right back where she started by early 2013."



What's gone wrong?

I don't think anything has gone wrong. The human body is not a machine, and what's more, it doesn't operate independently of the rest of humanity. I don't believe that losing 60 pounds last year was solely the result of some praiseworthy effort of mine. And I don't believe that my recent drift is the result of a personal failing, either.

Yes, I did wander away from my two simple controls*, and the graph shows the consequences. When I'm not tracking those two data points my broken metabolism supersedes my conscious wishes and I succumb to overeating.

But the point is, I'm not looking for a big psychological (moral, ethical) explanation for the lapse. Maybe I'm near the leading edge of a wave of cultural change--the reversal of the obesity epidemic--and the wave has some ebb and flow to it. Maybe a macrocosmic, natural pattern is unfolding and I'm just a little part of it. Maybe I contribute to, but am not solely in charge of, outcomes even within my own body.

In any case, reasserting my controls started feeling right again a couple of weeks ago. As a result, that upward trending red line has flattened out and shows signs of turning downward once more.

As much as I'd love to force this pattern into compliance with my plans, I see now that I have a very limited say in the matter. I'd be much better off spending my energy riding my bike.

*Logging my weight every morning and my calories every meal. These aren't the direct cause of weight loss, of course, or even of eating less. But they form a bridge of consciousness between urge and action, and that consciousness is extremely powerful.

Both controls have become exponentially easier with 21st-century technology. That's one of the collective forces at work.

Comments

[just_jes]

It's helpful to hear how it's going for people that have been at it longer than me. Thanks!

During the wandering away from your controls, did you also wander away from the macronutrient balance that you were aiming for with fats making up a large portion of your calories? I'm curious as to how sustainable you found that and whether or not you still automatically kept to a higher fat diet even when not tracking. Macronutrients fell under the TMI part of diet and nutrition for me for the longest time, but a couple months ago I started focusing my efforts on changing that balance (albeit with a very different breakdown than you). I think that some of those newer habits I could keep with no problem, while others I'd probably start to slack off on as soon as I stopped tracking religiously. Hmm...

[darkemeralds]

That's a really good question, and I've learned a lot by thinking about my answer to it, so thanks for asking!

First, I've realized that I'm using four controls, not just two. Besides food and weight tracking, I've also got grocery shopping and food preparation--that is, habits governing what I put into the shopping cart, and a longstanding commitment to preparing my own food at home (for reasons not directly related to weight loss). It seems that those two controls are much more durable. They hardly drifted at all during the three months where I barely ever tracked stuff.

I suspect that most of the extra calories came from me pretending that if a 35-calorie rice cake is okay, and my doctor says it's okay to eat butter, then it must be okay to eat a stack of rice cakes with a slab of butter on each one. That kind of denial has been the cause of failure in every dietary change I've ever tried to make. It was only a matter of time till the package of Kerrygold 100% grass-fed, unsalted-and-entirely-virtuous Irish butter in my shopping cart became two packages, then slowly started to be joined by survivalist quantities of rice cakes. You get the picture. Pretty soon the whole edifice of good habit and moderate controls dissolves, and you're still telling yourself you're "being good."

But behold! What a difference tracking makes!

It took 15 days to turn the ship around. I'm extremely pleased.

Also, kale chips.

[ranunculus]

You have done an amazing job of losing weight over a long period of time. All of us need a vacation every now and then, even the part of our brains that exert control. The very fact that you once again feel as if it is "right" to go back to that discipline perhaps indicates that you are ready to be done with "vacation". Keep up the good work and the bike riding!

[darkemeralds]

You know, my doctor says the same thing. I never thought I'd see the day when the phrase "my doctor says" would be coming out of my mouth/keyboard, but this doctor is awesomely cool and I trust him. The vacation concept is so important, and I'm glad you pointed it out.

We are so ready, in our culture, to judge such bumps in the trend-line (any trend-line) as a failure of will! Weakness! Defeat! Loss of nerve! Losing it! Getting old!--when in fact nature never, ever operates in straight lines. We think we're outside of nature, but of course we're not.

I've found a lot of strength and power in recognizing my own patterns and rhythms, which do include a good deal of rest and stillness. My only regret is not having seen it earlier in life, but there you go: live and learn, huh?

Thanks for the good words.