Awareness and outrage
9/2/14 11:12![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
darkemeraldsI've been thinking about outrage. Outrage is fun! It must be. Otherwise, why do I engage in it? (I just noticed that I even have a tag for it.)
If you feel strong, check out the search term "political outrage" in Google image search, and note your physical reaction. For me, it's a concentrated dose of what the rest of this post is about.
Why do I seek out opportunities to be annoyed, indignant, judgmental, critical or angry? Why, when it goes against my principles and my beliefs, do I read what trolls have to say? Why does my Twitter timeline include anyone who's pissed off all the time (and why do I ever tweet about things like bad customer service)? Why do I click on Buzzfeed article links? Why do I ever go to Facebook, ever?
I'm beginning to think it's an actual addiction. Outrage gives me a little rush, a little reward. If I pay attention, I can feel it--a drop of dopamine in the bloodstream cocktail, a touch of stress-relief.
The trouble is, the stress has to come first: there's no need for indignation if something doesn't activate fight-or-flight in the first place. For instance, if I'm terrified by an article about the hit-and-run killing of a bike-rider, outrage makes my fear tolerable. I already ride as safely as I can and there's not a fucking thing I can do about the dead bicyclist or the cowardly driver, so what's left? Outrage, that's what. It's soothing.
But is that soothed feeling so compelling that I'm actually seeking out the stressor first? Am I causing myself pain in order to get the painkiller?
Over the years, I've built a cushion around my hair-trigger trauma response, and it has saved my life. I can't afford to erode it with voluntary exposure to things that I know will outrage me. But it's surprisingly hard to quit. Sure, it's better to be in a habitual state of grace, but a hit of outrage is so much easier to score, you know? It's like a sugar rush compared to the long-term health benefits of vegetables and exercise.
I don't think total ignorance in the name of self-care is the answer, either. I'd be a bad citizen and a poor member of the human tribe if I tried to abstain completely from all potentially triggering information and ideas. There are always new issues, new points of view, and a shifting social landscape to be aware of. At a minimum, I'd like to avoid being part of the problem, even if I can't solve it.
But I do need to take care of myself first. Recognizing that my tolerance for activation is extremely low, I have to notice triggers and take action before I fall into the outrage response:
If you feel strong, check out the search term "political outrage" in Google image search, and note your physical reaction. For me, it's a concentrated dose of what the rest of this post is about.
Why do I seek out opportunities to be annoyed, indignant, judgmental, critical or angry? Why, when it goes against my principles and my beliefs, do I read what trolls have to say? Why does my Twitter timeline include anyone who's pissed off all the time (and why do I ever tweet about things like bad customer service)? Why do I click on Buzzfeed article links? Why do I ever go to Facebook, ever?
I'm beginning to think it's an actual addiction. Outrage gives me a little rush, a little reward. If I pay attention, I can feel it--a drop of dopamine in the bloodstream cocktail, a touch of stress-relief.
The trouble is, the stress has to come first: there's no need for indignation if something doesn't activate fight-or-flight in the first place. For instance, if I'm terrified by an article about the hit-and-run killing of a bike-rider, outrage makes my fear tolerable. I already ride as safely as I can and there's not a fucking thing I can do about the dead bicyclist or the cowardly driver, so what's left? Outrage, that's what. It's soothing.
But is that soothed feeling so compelling that I'm actually seeking out the stressor first? Am I causing myself pain in order to get the painkiller?
Over the years, I've built a cushion around my hair-trigger trauma response, and it has saved my life. I can't afford to erode it with voluntary exposure to things that I know will outrage me. But it's surprisingly hard to quit. Sure, it's better to be in a habitual state of grace, but a hit of outrage is so much easier to score, you know? It's like a sugar rush compared to the long-term health benefits of vegetables and exercise.
I don't think total ignorance in the name of self-care is the answer, either. I'd be a bad citizen and a poor member of the human tribe if I tried to abstain completely from all potentially triggering information and ideas. There are always new issues, new points of view, and a shifting social landscape to be aware of. At a minimum, I'd like to avoid being part of the problem, even if I can't solve it.
But I do need to take care of myself first. Recognizing that my tolerance for activation is extremely low, I have to notice triggers and take action before I fall into the outrage response:
- Stop reading
- Close that tab
- Walk away
- Delete before posting
- Don't start writing that comment in the first place
- Don't stop to gawk
- Turn to something else (like funny Youtube videos)
- Respect myself and my limits
- Know when feeling cowardly now is going to prevent feeling crazy later and be okay with that
- Unfollow this person
- Heed that gut feeling
- Pay attention
- Take care of myself
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11/2/14 02:34 (UTC)Trollish outrage certainly seems to spring from a need to feel "right," but I suspect that the underlying fight-flight-scream-swear-verbally-abuse reaction you see in comment threads has a threatened component. I can feel it more clearly than I can put it into words.
It was (of course) some Failcry incidents that first really taught me how easily triggered I am by outrage. Once some of it was directed at me in a personal way, I became so allergic to it that I had to cut off whole swaths of my internet life. I didn't actually close accounts and disappear, but I sure put up some blocks and walls, and developed some hard and fast rules about internet streets I will and won't walk down, and internet people I will and won't interact with. Plenty of people have been "encouraged" by various Failcry events to commit digital suicide, deleting themselves from the internet. As you say, outrage bleeds very quickly into bullying, and that, as we know, can encourage sensitive people to commit actual suicide.
It's a bigger issue than I started out being conscious of for this post. I'm so glad I wrote it, though. Good insights in the comments! :D
PS I love your icon! Beautiful!