It makes an ASS out of U

[darkemeralds]

I try not to use my LJ as a rant receptacle, but this needs airing. It's about people's assumptions.

I've made no secret (anywhere!) of my decision to start cycling. I hang my helmet on my cubicle wall, right above my "Bike Commute Challenge" poster, and today my front wheel was stood up in my in-box because I had to take it in at lunchtime and have it looked at. At work, I talk about road conditions, new challenges, the experience of joining the Portland cycling world, and my progress in terms of time and endurance and skill-building, pretty much the same as on LJ.

So today at about 4:30, knowing I had two more hours of work in front of me, I ran down to the little store and came back up with a Haagen Dazs coffee almond crunch ice cream bar. My cubicle-colleague, on beholding my treat, said, "I see you've decided to undo all the health benefits of bike-riding."

I can't even begin to unravel everything that's wrong with that comment, but let me start by pointing out that it was uttered by a straight, skinny, college-educated white guy perhaps five to ten years my junior. Let's call him Norm, okay?

This comment is not the same as "Ooh, that looks yummy!" or "I love those things!" This comment is "Do you think you really should be eating that? YOU? THAT?"

The assumptions implicit in the comment are that "health benefits" equals "losing weight"; that I'm cycling for health reasons at all, and that the REAL health reason is weight loss; that one serving of good-quality ice cream has the power to "undo" health, that my bike-riding is a kind of lie unless I follow some standard path of health righteousness; that it's okay for him to even make such a personal comment; that he knows what my personal priorities are and that they are different from what I've said they are.

The only response I could think of was a mildly sarcastic, "Yeah, you know, Norm, I love it when people comment on what I eat."

Six hours later, I'm still annoyed.

Comments

[emeraldsedai.livejournal.com]

You have no idea how that makes my day.

Well, you probably actually do have some idea, considering specifically when I met Mr Kis.

I had a long conversation with serenity_valley on Friday evening about people speaking from an unconscious position of privilege. She's way younger than me, and way more politically savvy, and she raised my awareness of the problem. I'm sure that conversation was instrumental not only in what I said back to Norm, but in my internal reaction to his comment. It was entirely new and different for me.

[kispexi2.livejournal.com]

Yes. I wish my default was to interpret personal criticisms like that as simple bad manners on the part of the criticizer rather than instantly internalize it and beat myself up for my failings.

[emeraldsedai.livejournal.com]

Funny (and revolutionary) thing was, the comment didn't even strike me as criticism to begin with. It WAS, I'm sure of it, but it didn't hit me that way. It hit me as total asshattery (which it also was, of course).

The miracle was that in a case of choice like that, I unthinkingly chose the healthier reaction. All I can say is, if old age means finally, finally being free of the hormonally-induced "reality" of self loathing, then bring it on.