I miss my mind
3/11/10 21:15![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
darkemeraldsI see the counselor again in the morning about my job. My first session a couple of weeks ago got me down out of the boughs about the unrealistic demands of my new assignment, and since then I've become more comfortable with them.
I'm hoping this second session will jump-start my brain again, because I feel mentally paralyzed, in a very eerie and creepy way.
I had some numbers to generate this afternoon, and I simply could not make myself focus on them. It's true that numbers are not my best thing, but this wasn't calculus, just some spending data analysis. I had the most horrible feeling of stupidity, of wondering if I seem stupid to my coworkers, and of desperately wanting to hide my stupidity.
This is, frankly, unprecedented in my life. In the long list of less-than-positive things one could truthfully say about me--moody, insecure, shame-based, lazy, angry, arrogant, obsessive, persnickety, mean, selfish--"stupid" just doesn't appear.
It's realistic, I think, to expect a certain drop-off in mental acuity as the happy life-dancing hormones decline--I will, after all, be 55 in a month. But this overnight-idiot act is freaking me out.
I'm hoping this second session will jump-start my brain again, because I feel mentally paralyzed, in a very eerie and creepy way.
I had some numbers to generate this afternoon, and I simply could not make myself focus on them. It's true that numbers are not my best thing, but this wasn't calculus, just some spending data analysis. I had the most horrible feeling of stupidity, of wondering if I seem stupid to my coworkers, and of desperately wanting to hide my stupidity.
This is, frankly, unprecedented in my life. In the long list of less-than-positive things one could truthfully say about me--moody, insecure, shame-based, lazy, angry, arrogant, obsessive, persnickety, mean, selfish--"stupid" just doesn't appear.
It's realistic, I think, to expect a certain drop-off in mental acuity as the happy life-dancing hormones decline--I will, after all, be 55 in a month. But this overnight-idiot act is freaking me out.
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5/11/10 04:44 (UTC)What I do remember is the portion of brain malfunction where I put the screw gun tip thorough my finger leaving a bloody trail. More than once. I then took a vacation, as it was clearly needed (and that worked). I'm currently quite clear on this subject; when I begin to think that a cruise on board ship sounds good, I should down tools and take a rest.
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5/11/10 04:54 (UTC)And I have to admit, the idea of a cruise (generally TOTALLY antithetical to my values and my ideas of what travel should be) has been sounding kind of good lately. Uh oh.
Well, I have TWO four-day weekends coming up, next week, and a couple weeks later for Thanksgiving. Yay!