Pearls of wisdom

[darkemeralds]

I spent a worthwhile hour this morning talking to a counselor about my work situation. She gave me three gems.

The Amethyst: "Norm's been given half a job and you've been given two jobs. If you weren't stressed out by that, I'd be worried about you."

I gotta tell ya, that was incredibly validating. (For one thing, it made it--ahem--crystal clear that the "hard realities of the economy" don't apply as much to Norm as to me.)

The Ruby: Me: "I'm afraid I've been given this extra job because I'm lazy and my existing work is easier than everyone else's."

She: "Is it possible that you've internalized some messages that you don't really believe? Could it be that you're efficient, clever, and just plain fast?"

Me: \o/

The Emerald: "Suit up, show up, and be entertained".

This may be the best work advice ever.

I was already suited up, so I got on my bike and showed up, and I've been trying to be entertained all day.

it's making a big difference. By focusing on what I like to do and what's fun, I've begun digging out from under the overwhelm in some material, calculable ways.

I feel so much better! Thank you, wise counselor!

Comments

[scribblemoose]

I'm so pleased for you! She sounds like an excellent counsellor. I know the Ruby applies to me, too. So easy to do, but so paralyzing!

[darkemeralds]

She really seems to be just what I needed, though I wouldn't have thought so at first. Very experienced, very easygoing, really likes her work, and so able to see the big picture.

We all internalize messages that we should never have believed, and then treat them as "reality." I think women over a certain age in the workforce have been subject to some leftovers from the Mad Men era (which is why I cannot stand to watch that show!)--I know I was, back in the 70s when I first started working.

This woman was able to bring them right out into the open. I'm not saying I'm completely over it in a single session, but it did make a difference. And I'm going back in a couple of weeks.

[panisdead]

Dude, awesome! I'm glad it went so well.

I have to say that The Emerald works really well for me. This morning I went to three separate places--at least 30 miles car travel--in service of trying to evaluate a kid, and I never actually saw him. I did feel a tinge of OMGWTF!!, but mostly I was just like ahahahaha my JOB. Whatever! It's a good story.

(The places, in case you're curious: Starbucks to meet another therapist to pick up a test from her, then the wrong daycare, then the right daycare, where the kid was out at a dentist appointment).

[darkemeralds]

Now that's entertainment.

I mean, it could go either way: extremely annoying or kind of fun. What I learned today was "Why not seize the fun?"

You already know I adore you

[runcible_spoons]

Thank you for posting this. I'm so glad to hear your burden seems a bit lighter. You've actually lightened mine by sharing it. The last one especially.
Also, I adore your header. The artwork for that verse is amazing. Oh dear, I'mma have to go read that again. See what you've done?

Re: You already know I adore you

[darkemeralds]

Oh, I'm so glad to hear this helped!

And isn't that manip GORGEOUS?? The unbelievably talented owzers took an obscure publicity shot of Johnny Depp and turned it into an oil painting of Tristan Jarrett, Viscount Penrith. I love her so much!

[tehomet]

The outsider definitely sees more of the game! You were afraid you'd been given twice the workload as a penalty for not working fast enough? Crikey! If I were a boss, I wouldn't give the extra work to a lazy, inefficient worker. Would you? :D I know that in my last job, the person with the smallest list of duties in the section was the person with the least ability, or at least the person with the least amount of application.

I can see how you'd see it that way, though. I imagine just having to interact with Norm felt like a punishment. :D

I'm making a mental note to avoid ever seeing Mad Men.

I'm so glad you had such a worthwhile first meeting. For one thing, the validation alone is incredibly well-deserved. More power to your elbow!

[darkemeralds]

I wasn't seeing my new assignment as a penalty for not working fast enough, but for not working long enough, because my work isn't hard enough, or there's not be enough of it, to make it worth my salary, which is equal to Norm's.

The counselor pointed out that I've internalized a message of "Nothing you do is ever as meritorious as what other people do."

It's actually far more rational to suppose that I've been given the extra job because my efficiency has been observed--it's a merit badge, a mark of management's confidence in my strengths. Norm's transfer, by contrast, might be a way of mitigating the organization's staff shortfall--he's proven that no matter how many hours he puts in, he can only handle half a job.

Of course, the net result is that when the job transfer is complete, Norm will be getting $N to accomplish .5X amount of work, while I will be getting the same $N to accomplish 2X amount of work--or about 25% of what Norm is getting per unit of accomplishment.

So, it's not particularly fair or just, but to me the main thing has been to shift away from the feeling that It's My Fault.

[kis]

WTF does Norm have on the bosses that he gets treated so well? It's not fair! /stating the bleeding obvious. But the counsellor sounds wonderful and I'm glad she was able to help. (Can't help noticing it was a she, not a he).

[darkemeralds]

He doesn't have anything on the bosses. He's he. That's all it takes.

I've begun to reframe my thinking about this whole thing, and I'm leaning towards the view that management has shifted Norm to the half-a-job because they recognize that he can't handle more without exploding.

Meanwhile, my own engines are starting to rev up slowly again after a couple of weeks of deer-in-the-headlights overwhelm, so I'd say that yesterday's counseling session was one very well-spent hour.

[karen_jk]

I am so glad about this! This, as in the counsellor who put such a great spin on things, this as in you de-stressing a bit, this as in you being able to cope better and value yourself more and super stuff like that.

Because you are of the WIN, my friend.

[darkemeralds]

Aw, thanks! *hugs*

I'm enjoying the fruits of my worthwhile counseling session today, having spent a relaxed AND productive day at work. So much better than the tense, do-nothing days of overwhelm that preceded it!

[lamentables]

\o/

Hope the power of counselling continues to work for you. I'm so glad you've seen the truth about Norm, but pissed off that the truth about being male persists.

(have internets for a couple of days & trying to catch up)

[darkemeralds]

Yeah, me too, but things are getting better here on the ground where I am, and yes, the one counseling session I've been to so far has borne a lot of fruit.

Are you in India now? I've lost track of your movements!

[lamentables]

Yes, I'm in India now \o/
We are in a hotel with free wifi for 3 days in between staying with rparvaaz and then visiting her family. It's a brief quiet time in between being beloved uncle/auntie whose attention is fought for (and apparently when you are 5 you never run out of energy).

[darkemeralds]

I'm excited for you! I know how much you love India. I hope your whole stay is wonderful. What a great thing, to be able to meet and hang out with local residents.

Looking forward to photos.