New year, new life

[darkemeralds]

I quit making New Year's resolutions a lot of New Years ago--total recipe for failure, in my book--but given that this January 1 will also be the first day of the rest of my life in a more particular way than every other day of the world, I'm giving it some thought.

The thing that has given my life its structure more or less continuously since 1970 is suddenly going to drop away. My external motivation for getting up in the morning, grooming myself, wearing decent clothes, leaving my house, and (in recent years) getting exercise will be no more.

I don't yet have a clue what will replace it. In my limited experience of unemployment, the lack of structure is not my best friend. But the key word is "limited." Will a month of do-nothing nightowl-dom be enough for a more natural structure to start appearing? Two months? How could I know? I've never tried it.

What's more, the fact of having a job has been one of a very few connections I feel to "most people," a broad if rather shallow patch of common ground. Google Plus keeps reminding me to list my workplace in my profile, because without it, I'm only 80% complete.

So, what new scaffolding will I build to keep my life from dissolving into a puddle of undifferentiated time?

I have no idea yet. I should probably be terrified. Maybe I am terrified and I just don't know it. How does one feel at an event horizon?

Comments

[sasha_feather]

I am confident that you will find things! I look forward to reading about your new adventures.

[darkemeralds]

I appreciate your vote of confidence! I might, at a minimum, start exploring parts of town that my life over the last 20 or so years has never directed me to. Just discovering safe and convenient bike routes is a nice little adventure. The trick will be exploring without wallet-requiring activities as the motivation.

[lycomingst]

I'm sure you'll adjust. Just not being a slave to the clock will not doubt be nice. You might take a class through your Park and Rec department. They're usually cheap and will give you a little structure.

[darkemeralds]

Some kind of new learning or training is definitely on my horizon. I've got Pimsleur French and Pimsleur Mandarin already cued up on my player--the French as a refresher for my very-rusty degree, and the Mandarin because wow, learning a language that different really opens up channels in the brain!

I've tended to think more about my financial limitations than my temporal freedom, but as far as I can tell (from what other people say), they balance out.

[azurelunatic]

Best wishes!

When I was recently unemployed, I wound up going to a fair number of local meetups via meetup.com -- some were better than others, but most were at least interesting. I think the most resonant social connection that came out of that was the guy with the dog with various vision problems, who turned out to have been an old friend of one of my other local friends, which I learned after retweeting him and accidentally becoming the instrument of their reconnection.

[darkemeralds]

Wow, this Meetup.com thing is great! I had no idea. I found a French conversation group, joined, and signed up for a meetup next week. This is awesome! Thank you.

Your story of the secondary connection is wonderful. Even people like me, out here on the fringes of the social network, are more connected than we think (as Facebook, Google+, LinkedIn and Twitter are constantly reminding me). The trick for me is acting on those connections. Judiciously.

I sometimes feel like it's my thing in life, putting two other people together, or linking someone else with an idea or resource. I'm like an old-time phone operator. I suspect we edge-dwellers have a peculiar talent for that sort of thing.

[ranunculus]

I think you will do fine.
Here are some suggestions that come to my mind.
Volunteer. Do it in a field that isn't like your old job.
Help gardeners in local parks.
Walk the dogs or socialize the kitties at a local shelter.
Help with a Habitat for Humanity house.
There are no end of things you could do for a day, week or the rest of your life. At any one of them you will meet new people and have a reason to interact with them.
BTW, I used to wear a ring to remind me to make the effort to actually talk with other people, and to notice and accept offers to "go out for coffee or food". Those offers were there, I was just not "seeing" them. Since I NEVER wear jewelry it was an effective tool to raise my awareness of being social.

[ranunculus]

Listening to NPR. Nice radio article about this book.
http://www.amazon.com/The-Paper-Garden-Artist-Begins/dp/1608196976

[darkemeralds]

How interesting! I'd never heard of Mary Delaney. I see that a copy is available at my local library (one more little errand I can go out and do next week--though my branch is ridiculously close by and going there doesn't even vaguely constitute exercise).

This book seems to fit in well with Elizabeth Gilbert's The Signature of All Things, a novel about a woman botanist of a slightly later period, which I read and loved a couple of months ago.

Thank you for the reference.

[darkemeralds]

I really do need to make the effort to connect with people, even in small ways, like just exchanging greetings at the coffee shop--even just making eye contact. It's ridiculous how self-isolating I can be.

I almost always decline invitations to do the smallest thing, and have done that so consistently for so long that any potential casual friends have dropped away, and I'm down to just a couple of non-family social contacts. Add to that my no longer having a car, and my orbit is distressingly tiny.

Volunteering is a real possibility. Habitat--issues of housing and homelessness in general--interest me a great deal. Also transportation issues. I can see getting involved in my neighborhood association (though that hews a bit too closely to my City-Hall-adjacent career, perhaps).

Great food for thought. I like the ring idea. For me it's the opposite: i feel noticeably naked without a ring on.

[ranunculus]

I had to -MAKE- myself accept invitations. Still do to some extent. In general the results were pleasant, and sometimes even really nice. I always kept clearly in mind that my fall back social action was to ask questions of whomever I was with, on the basis that people always like to talk about themselves. Works too.
The making eye contact thing is a challenge too. Some days it is easy, other days not so much. :)

[darkemeralds]

Honoring that instinct to turn down invitations has been a major breakthrough for me: understanding myself as an introvert, etc. But for some time now (the last two years, at least, since I started planning to retire), I've been aware that I may have taken it too far, lost whatever courage I had in sometimes going to less-comfortable places.

It's a balancing act.

And yes, I've also discovered the remarkable power of just letting other people talk about themselves. It's fun and safe, and listening really is a satisfying skill to try to master.

[ranunculus]

Oh, and I agree about the self isolating thing. Aaargh.

[toft]

I'm very excited to see how your new life develops!

[darkemeralds]

Thank you! Me too. :D

[chordatesrock]

I'd try taking a class. If church is your thing, that's also a possibility.

Although it doesn't provide any particular structure in the sense of a daily or weekly routine, writing or crafting could work as a reason to get up in the morning.

[darkemeralds]

Though church isn't part of my life, I was just thinking about singing--used to sing in a couple of really good choirs. That was always fun and satisfying.

As to writing, yes. I'm revising a novel for publication (she says hopefully) and I've been waiting for retirement to have the blocks of time I need to focus on that very hard, very rewarding process. I've made a good start in just the last few days, and honestly, it's a major part of my plan for the first couple of months.